Transgression (Rewritten)
by Amina Bella
Summary: Olivia is on the verge of getting everything she's ever wanted. It just all comes with a price.
1. Chapter 1

"What're we gunna name you little guy?" Elliot's palm rubbed the swell of Olivia's stomach. She stared at the man next to her, her eyes studying his face. It always amazed her how he really never aged. His face was relaxed, opposite from the usual stern angry look that was found occupied there. A small smile fell across his lips and his eyes were soft and starring at her bump. She let out a sigh causing him to redirect his gaze to her eyes.

"Girl," She corrected him. He rolled his eyes.

"It's a boy." His voice was certain.

"It's a girl, Elliot."

"Wanna bet on it?"

A breathy laugh escaped her. "You want to bet on the sex of our unborn child?"

He replied with a lazy grin and she offered a toothy smile.

"What's the bet?" Why was she humouring him?

He bit the insides of his cheek as his eyes darted around indicating that he was thinking. The hand that was now resting on her stomach started to move again causing her shudder. She was certain that she'd never really get sick of him touching her.

"If it's a boy-"

"-Which it's not,"

He glared at her.

She pursed her lips together to stifle a laugh.

"If it's a boy..." He halted his hand and tapped his pointer finger against her now bare stomach, he managed to snake his hand under her shirt without her knowing. She didn't mind. If she had it her way, she'd make sure his hands never left her.

She rolled her eyes. "How about if it's a boy, you name him. If it's a girl, I name her."

He looked into her eyes and smiled. "Sounds good to me."

A moment of silence passed. His hand still lazily worked over her, and she still didn't want him to stop. He leaned his head back against the stack of pillows behind them and closed his eyes. She brought her hand to his and laced their fingers together. He ran the pad of his thumb over her fingers and she tucked her head into the nook of his neck releasing a content sigh from deep within her.

They laid like that for a while, enjoying the closeness. Olivia opened her mouth to say something but was silenced by the unusual feeling that was going on in her lower abdomen. The unsure look on her face alarmed Elliot.

"What's wrong?" His soften relaxed features tensed.

"You didn't feel that?"

"No...?"

"She kicked!" Her voice cracked with excitement as she sat up, lightly pressing into her stomach. "Elliot, she actually kicked!"

Elliot's face beamed as he watched the first time-soon-to-be mom feel the joy of her child moving around inside her, a feeling that he knew she wanted to feel since...forever. She grabbed his hand and guided it to the spot with the most movement. She frowned. "Aw, she stopped." She heaved a sigh and dropped her hands to the bed beside her. Elliot continued to cradle her swell in his hand as he lightly thumbed over the bare skin.

"Sure it wasn't just gas?"

"Really? Always gotta ruin it for me, don't you?" She couldn't help but laugh.

That infamous cocky grin appeared as he looked at her. "Okay. It wasn't gas. He kicked."

"_She_."

He shook his head with a small laugh and she punched him on the arm.

"Was that necessary?"

"Sorry. Pregnancy gives me random ticks." To emphasize, she punched him again.

"Olivia," He warned, one eye brow raised.

"Yes?" She tilted her head to the side batting her eyelashes at him.

"Don't make me-"

She punched him again.

"Okay. That's it. You asked for it," He threw his leg over her thighs straddling her as he pinned her arms next to her head. "Mhm. Now what are you going to do?" There was that cocky Stabler grin again.

She struggled against his strength, but quickly gave up. If she weren't pregnant, she definitely would have been able to overpower him. She laid there beneath him, their eyes boring into each other. He loosened the grip around her wrists only to lightly run his fingertips down her forearms and back up again. He clasped his hands in hers and leaned down to place a kiss on her collar bone, his stomach smoothing over her's. He slid off of her to her side and rested his head on her shoulder-mirroring their previous position.

"I don't regret this," He spoke softly, trailing his fingers over her stomach causing her skin to erupt with goose bumps. She felt the tears coming but willed them away, blinking rapidly.

"I don't regret it," His voice was still low, barely above a whisper.

_Was he trying to convince her or himself?_

She couldn't fight the tears anymore. They rolled down her face in a jagged line.

"Liv, I..."

"Just...don't, okay?" She pawed at her face before sitting up causing Elliot's head to fall back on the mattress. She rested her head in her hands willing herself to calm down knowing the anxiety plus the pregnancy would cause her to vomit.

He propped himself up on his elbow. "Maybe you should go eat something."

She nodded in agreement. Getting up and heading into the kitchen she called back to him, "There's plenty of left overs if you want to join me."

Her slightly protruding belly lead the way to the kitchen and she rummaged around the refrigerator for something that looked even a little bit appetizing. She settled for a ham and cheese sandwich (with pickles) because the thought of eating left over spaghetti made her want to throw up everything she'd eaten in the past four and a half months.

Sinking her teeth into the sandwich she actually had to fight back a moan because she hadn't realised just how hungry she was. Relishing in the taste, she practically shoved half of the sandwich into her mouth in one bite.

Elliot rounded the corner into the kitchen smirking at her wild eating habits. "Hungry?"

"God, yes," She managed to say around a mouth full of bread and mushed meat, cheese and condiments.

He leaned against the counter watching her. She took another bite of her sandwich and returned his gaze.

"You leaving?" She slowed her chewing and cast her eyes to the floor. He saw the sadness in her features and an immediate wave of guilt hit him.

"Uh, yeah. Kathy gets off work at three,"

Suddenly not hungry anymore, she dropped the remaining half of her sandwich on the plate.

"And Eli has a doctors appointment at four," She remembered aloud. He nodded.

She stood and disposed of the plate in the sink. Turning on her heels, she went to exit the kitchen and go to the living room but was abruptly stopped by Elliot's body. She took a step back, eying him. Those pesky tears welled up in her eyes again she took another step back away from him. He stepped closer to her, grabbing her upper arms to prevent her from moving again.

"It'll be okay, Liv," He said sternly.

He wrapped his fingers around the back of her neck, his thumbs smoothing over her jawline. "I promise you, this will all be okay."

"Don't," her voice caught in her throat. "Don't make promises when you have no possible way of knowing that, Elliot. Don't stand here and tell me everything is going to be okay when you're walking out of my apartment to go home to your wife." She took a deep breath. "I don't regret this," she repeated his previous words, her hand coming to rest on her stomach. "I don't. But, I wish this would have happened under different circumstances."

She brushed past him into the living room to sit on the couch.

"I don't know what to do, Liv..."

_Leave her._

"I can't tell you what to do, Elliot. You should probably go."

He dropped his head and squeezed the bridge of his nose, letting out defeated sigh. "Okay."

He opened his mouth to say something but was cut off.

"Don't say anything. There's nothing to say. Just go."

He leaned down and kissed her on the forehead. "I'll drop by tomorrow, okay?" She gave a small nod, and he turned to walk out the door leaving her alone to think about how exactly she got in this situation and what the hell she planned to do about it.

* * *

I've decided to re-write this entire story for many reasons, one to hopefully improve the story line and to fix a few errors I've made along the way.

If you're going to re-enter this journey with me, **pleaaaase** leave a review to let me know you're going to read it! (Especially after this chapter. I want to know/see how many people are reading so I know if I'm going to continue or not; you don't even have to "review" just tell me you're interested in reading.)

I have all of the chapters (re)written and ready to publish, so after every 10 or so reviews I get, I'll update.

Also, I don't use it much (trying to change that now), but if you'd like you can follow me on Twitter: aminaxbella to keep up with updates and stuff~


	2. Chapter 2

_**Four and a half months ago**_

Olivia went to work as she usually does. She greeted her partner as she walked into the bullpen, said her hello's to the rest of the squad and got a cup of coffee.

She sat down at her desk, setting her cup down and wiggling her computer mouse around to wake it up. The content smile that had been on her face all day quickly disappeared when she looked over her computer at her partner.

"You okay, Amaro?" She raised her eyebrows at him but quickly brought them together when he gave her a nervous glance.

"Uh, Liv..." He rolled his seat up closer to his desk and cleared his throat.

"Nick...?"

He heaved a sigh and looked directly in her eyes, "Cragen's office, just go."

She stared at him for a few seconds, her eyes scanning his face before backing away from her desk and heading for her Captain's office. She passed Fin, Munch and Rollins along the way who all gave her the same pathetic small smile. The nerves in Olivia's body caught fire. What the hell could she have done this time?

She knocked on the door and heard Don tell her to come in. As she entered, her eyes went directly to her captain, not seeing the other body sitting on the couch to her left.

"Olivia," He greeted with a small nod.

Catching a small movement to her left, she darted her eyes over to see Elliot Stabler sitting on the couch.

"Elliot?" Shock took her body hostage as she stared wide eyed and opened mouth at the man before her. "What...why...?" Words scrolled madly through her head, anger and frustration that she forgot had existed came flying back. Her mouth open and closed a few times, before giving up and dashed out of the office.

Elliot jumped to his feet and took off after her. "Olivia, wait!"

She continued to walk, fast, out of the bull pen, past her colleagues and outside.

"Olivia, wait..!"

She raced down the steps to the sidewalk as he caught up to her, grabbing her arm.

"Olivia!" He growled, pulling her to a halt.

She jerked her arm out of his grip and backed away from him. "I called you. I left you thousands of messages. I knocked on your door, Elliot. I came looking for you! For _months_! I finally had to give up because I realised that you didn't want to be found. And I understand that, Elliot, I do, but fuck you for leaving me like that, and for not even having the decency to tell me you were going to bail." He just stood there, staring at her, his mind searching for something, anything to say.

She stared at him, studied his face watching as his mouth open and closed, trying to speak the words that his mind was having problems processing.

She sighed. "Why are you back? Why now?"

He looked as if he were about to have a nervous break down. "Can we discuss this somewhere else?" He tried his best to offer her a smile.

"You can meet me at my place after work, around 6. Okay?"

He nodded his head. "See you then."

It was six o'clock on the dot and Elliot was pacing back and forth in front of Olivia's building. He jammed his hands into his pockets as he scanned the sidewalk keeping an eye out for her. He turned around to pace in the other direction but was halted by Olivia's body. He stopped short in attempt not to run into her.

"Hey," he grinned.

"Hi," She stepped around him and up the steps to the entrance. He followed her up the steps, into the lobby, into the elevator, down the hall and into her apartment without saying a word. The awkward silence eating away at his mind. He had no idea what he was going to do or say, but he knew he had to fix this.

She jabbed her key into the lock and opened the door, Elliot followed suite, closing the door behind him. He walked into the living room and looked around. He hadn't been in there in a year, and not a single thing had changed. As he looked around, he noticed that all of the pictures of him and Olivia were gone. His heart sank further, and guilt tornadoed its way through his chest.

While he silently observed her apartment, Olivia had slipped into her room to shed her shoes and coat. As she came back into the room, he noticed that she'd aged. Not enough to make her actually look her age, because she doesn't really look a day over forty, but enough that he noticed the difference. Her hair was longer with a slight wave to it, and she looked exhausted.

"Can I get you something to drink?" She padded past him into the kitchen.

"Waters fine," He replied, taking a seat on the couch. She handed him a glass and he took a sip before placing it on a coaster on the coffee table before them. Olivia sat on the couch, her legs folded underneath her, facing him.

"I don't know what to say," he sighed and hung his head. She continued to stare at him, her face emotionless, but her head was realing with the things she wanted to say.

"Olivia, I shot a _little girl_." He let out a shaky sigh. "I didn't know what else to do. I just needed to get away and think...to heal. I didn't contact you because I had no idea what to say. I know I should've said something but I was stuck in my own head. I didn't know how to handle anything anymore. And I couldn't come back to work because, even though I was cleared, I'd still have to jump through hoops to get things back to normal. And I'm just too tired, Olivia. I'm just _so tired_." He sighed. "I know that no matter what I say is going to fix anything. But, I'm _sorry_."

Olivia inhaled deeply, willing her emotions to stay in line. She knew the reasons why he left, or at least, she figured that's why he left. She understood _why _he did it, but it didn't stop her from feeling hurt and angry. Everyone else in her life had left her without so much as a 'goodbye', she only hoped that when the time came for Elliot to leave, he would've had the decency to tell her.

"I know." Her voice was low and hoarse, trying to hold back tears. "I get it, I probably would've done the same thing."

He looked at her stunned, not sure if those words really came out of her mouth. "Really?"

"Yeah. I would've giving a formal goodbye to everyone before hauling ass and leaving everyone wondering if I were even still alive, though."

Those words pierced his heart. "Liv.."

"It's okay. But, I'm still mad at you. You left without saying anything, Elliot. You left me _alone_. You were all I had, and you _knew _that. I can't possibly know what you went through after the shooting, but I would've been there for you. I would've helped you the best I could. You know that."

"I know." He scrubbed his face over his face. "I know, but I was so lost, Liv. I just didn't know what to say to anyone...I didn't know what to do, I got scared..."

"Did you talk to Kathy about it?"

He let out a breathy laugh. "After I sent in my papers, I told her everything. I told her about the shooting and how I couldn't face anyone again. I told her that I was losing my mind because the guilt of it all was eating me alive."

"And..?"

"She told me to see a shrink."

"Did you?"

He shook his head. "I, uh...I left her instead."

Olivia's mouth dropped. "What?"

"I told you, Olivia, I was lost. Nothing made sense anymore. I wanted to get away from everyone. So, I did."

"What about the kids?"

"They're all grown and on their own. I get Eli on the weekends."

She leaned closed to him, resting a hand on his leg. "I'm sorry, Elliot. I was so caught up in the anger that I didn't realise how any of this was effecting you."

"You had every right to be upset. It was a dick move. But, ya know, they say time heals. I'm not fully better, but I'm okay enough to confront you...to try to fix us."

"Us?" She couldn't help the shocked look that quickly covered her face.

He turned to face her. "Us."

Before she could even process what was going on, his lips were on hers, and his hands had made their way to her face, gripping onto her for dear life.

"Wait," She put her hands on his chest, lightly pushing him back. "Do you think this is a good idea?"

He hummed his approval as he got up off the couch, pulling her with him. He reconnected their lips as he guided her into her bedroom.


	3. Chapter 3

**A month later**

Olivia sat on the edge of her bathtub hunched over, her head in her hands. She sat up as she heard the timer go off. Hesitantly, she finally stood up and looked at the pregnancy test.

A little pink plus sign. She wasn't sure if she wanted to laugh or cry.

So she did both.

After a few minutes of simultaneously laughing and crying, she composed herself enough to call Elliot.

She'd only seen him twice since coming back into her life, his excuse was that he was spending time with the kids. Of course Olivia understood that now that he had more free time, he was going to dedicate it to his kids, but part of her still felt jealous that she didn't get to see him as much as she wanted. After their last meeting, new feelings were brought to surface that Olivia didn't even know she had. She'd always loved Elliot in her own weird way, but she always accepted that nothing would ever happen between them.

Of course until something actually happened between them.

As the phone rang, she paced back and forth not sure what to say to him.

"Hello?"

"Hey! Are you busy?"

"Uh, no not really. About to drop Eli off at Kathy's and then I'm free. What's up?"

She bit back a smile and possibly a laugh, or maybe a scream, she still wasn't sure what emotion she was feeling.

"Can you stop by afterwards? I need to talk to you about something."

A small moment of silence. "Yeah. I need to talk to you about something, too. I'll be over in about 15."

And with that, he ended the call.

Olivia sat on her couch a nervous wreck. Before she was panicking about how she was going to tell Elliot she was pregnant with his kid, but now she was panicking over what he had to talk to her about.

A knock at the door pulled her out of her thoughts and she made her way over to the door to let him in. They hugged and she lead him to the couch where they both sat in awkward silence for a few minutes.

"I'm sorry I've been kind of distant lately. You know, with not working now I have so much free time and it only feels right to share it with them."

She nodded her head. "I get it. I just...miss...you."

He smiled, but it looked forced, almost sad. "So, what'd you want to talk about?"

"Why don't you go first." Curiosity was flooding her.

"Uh, okay." He cleared his throat. "I...uh, Kathy and I are sort of...working things out."

Olivia's face paled. So many emotions whirled through her at once that she had no choice but to start crying.

"I'm pregnant."

Elliot's eyes widened and he too lost all colour in his face.

"_Oh my god_."

"Yeah, 'oh my god', you ass hole!" She stood up, towering over him. "How dare you come out of _nowhere_, tell me you _left_ your wife, _sleep_ with me, make_ me_ feel all these_ feelings_ for you that I never even knew _existed_, and then have the_ nerve_ to tell me_ you're back with her_!" Tears fell freely down her face and she held back the urge to hurt him as much as he had hurt her.

"She's my _wife_, Olivia..."

"Yeah, you _neglected_ to tell me you were still married before sleeping with me. Don't try to make me feel guilty about this."

"I'm not!" He shouted. He stood up, his hands covering his face as he paced in front of her couch.

"What are we going to do?" He asked.

_You mean what are YOU going to do_, she wanted to scream.

"I don't know."

"Olivia-"

"Don't. Don't say anything. You go back to your wife and I'll take care of this baby on my own."

"Don't be like that."

"I'm not being like anything, Elliot. I'm giving you the easy way out. Go back to Kathy. _This never happened_."

She said the words with no emotion, but a wave of unbearable sadness ripped through her insides.

"I don't want to leave you..." Tears stung his eyes. "But I don't want to leave her either."

Olivia bitterly laughed. "Well, you can't have your cake and eat it too, Elliot."

"Just give me time. I'll figure this out."

"You better."


	4. Chapter 4

**5 months pregnant**

A knock on the door roused Olivia from her peaceful slumber. She popped her eye open to check the time on the clock across from her. Barely eight a.m. She groaned and pulled the pillow over her head praying that whoever it was would go away.

The knocking only got louder.

Sighing, she sat up and stretched, her back clicking vertebrae by vertebrae. She eventually made her way to the front door and swung it open.

Elliot stood in front of her with a single jelly filled donut, a bottle of chocolate milk and a smug smile.

Of course it was him. He came over at least once a day to check on her.

The absence of him during the first months of pregnancy got easier with each passing day, but deep, deep down she wished he was there with her always to enjoy this with her.

Her eyes went from the donut, to the drink, to his eyes before backing up and letting him in. Releasing another sigh, she begrudgingly stepped out of the way to let him in.

He took in the sight of her, her stretched, baggy shirt dangled from her shoulder, her hair was ruffled in a cute way but the angry scowl that seemed to be embedded on her face made Elliot reconsider coming over.

"You okay?" He immediately regretted asking that.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" She snapped, closing the door behind them, snatching the donut out of his hand. "It's only eight in the morning on my day off." She waddled into the kitchen, her semi-large belly leading the way. She sat down at the bar counter, and he stood in front of her, the counter separating them.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"I can't do this anymore."

"Do...what?" He knew what she meant, but he hoped it was something else.

"This. _Us_. Whatever this is."

He tilted his head towards the ceiling, huffing a breath of air.

"It's not fair, Elliot. You don't get to live this double life._ It's not fair_ that you go home every day to a wife and sneak away over here when she's at work. I can't _do_ this anymore, El." Her voice was soft and calm, but her breath hitched as she fought back tears.

"I...love you. And if I can't have you all to myself, then I don't think I can stand to have you at all."

"Liv-"

"No, don't "Liv" me. This is all _your_ fault. If I would have known you were still married..." She shook her head and closed her eyes, a plethora of emotions hitting her all at once.

"I know," he sighed. "In my defense, I didn't think Kathy and I would try to get back together again."

She didn't acknowledge that, instead she took a sip of her drink.

"Are you going to_ tell_ Kathy?" She manage to bring her eyes to his and he looked away, a remorseful look on his face, a look she could only assume as meaning that he wasn't going to.

"If you don't tell her..." she looked up at the ceiling willing the tears to go away and breathed in a shaky breath. "Then I can't have you be apart of this child's life. Or mine. _It's not fair_. I grew up without a father, I don't want my kid to have a part-time dad. I think that's worse than no father at all." Her chin began to tremble and she closed her eyes to stop the tears."And _I_ can't stand to have you part time."

"You can't do that, Liv! This is my child, I have a right to see him," He circled around the bar and stood in front of her. Intimidation wasn't going to work on her, but she did think of how much she wanted to bring her leg up and kick him in the balls and correct him: _her_.

"How do you plan on keeping this act up, Elliot? How are you going to have _two_ separate families, one of which has _no idea _that you even have the other one?" She yelled. "You can't! You have to decide. Me or Kathy. And I_ hate_ that I have to make you choose, Elliot, but you _have _to. _You _did this."

"I can't _choose_. I..."

"Go home," She stood up and pushed him back towards the door. All the rage within her couldn't be contained anymore, and she pushed him again. He stumbled backwards, but didn't turn to leave.

"Go home, Elliot," her voice was deep and stern and she tried to push him again but he grabbed her by the biceps stopping her. "No, I'm not leaving until we figure this out."

She ripped her arms out of his grasp, and stepped back. "There's nothing to figure out. You're going home to your wife and you're going to forget about me and this baby. _Go_._ Home_."

She turned to walk away from him but was stopped by a sudden pain in her lower abdomen. She brought her hands up to cradle the bottom of her stomach, sucking in a harsh breath.

"Liv? Olivia, what's wrong?" He rushed over to her and rested a hand on her lower back. He brought up his free hand and pushed the curtain of hair covering her face behind her ear. She let out a small whimper and fell into him. "Elliot, somethings wrong." She gripped his shirt as the pain slowly progressed.

"Tell me what's wrong." He tried to control the fear in his voice.

"I don't know," she whispered, "It just _hurts_. What if it's contractions?" She clung to Elliot harder, panicking. "No, its way too soon, it can't be contractions!" She was terrified that she might be right. She was a high risk pregnancy due to her age and dealing with the stress of life and work. A number of things could go wrong. She knew an early birth might be a possibility, but she just prayed to god that it wouldn't happen to her.

"Can you make it to the car?" He guided her to the couch and she sat down, doubling over. A painful growl ripped threw her and Elliot had to hold her up so she didn't fall over.

"Call an ambulance, I don't think I can make it to the car." She murmured.

Elliot dug into his pocket to get his cell phone, when Olivia's cold, shaking hand grabbed his arm. "Elliot..." She began to sway, and before he knew what was happening, she collapsed forward into his arms.


	5. Chapter 5

I had to BS my way though this, as I am not a doctor. Also, I made Olivia older than I think she is in the show. In this story she's about 47/48.

* * *

The constant beeping noise stirred Olivia to consciousness. Blinking her eyes to rid the fogginess that blurred her vision, she scanned the room. Realizing where she was her hand quickly made way to her stomach to make sure her baby was still inside of her. With a sigh of relief, she dropped her head back down and stared at the ceiling trying to recall what had happened before she woke up in a hospital.

_Elliot_.

She remembered fighting with Elliot. All of the emotions and feelings came spiraling back and she closed her eyes and sighed, shifting herself so she could sit up. Rubbing her tired eyes, she heaved a loud sigh causing Elliot, who was uncomfortably asleep in a chair by the side of her bed, to jerk awake. She couldn't help but grin as he sat up, his shirt all wrinkled and the horrible pattern of the chair embedded on his face.

"Have you been here this whole time?"

He used the back of his wrists and dug them into his eye sockets in hopes to rub away the exhausted feeling that webbed through his eyeballs.

"Yeah. I wasn't just going to let you be hauled off in a bus by yourself." He offered her a small smile, and as much as she didn't want to, she couldn't help but to return the gesture. "Thank you." It was quiet, but Elliot heard.

"How long was I out?" She asked. He checked his watch. "Eh, about an hour, give or take. Doctor drugged you with something to help with...whatever's going on."

She raised her eyebrow. "They didn't tell you what happened?"

He shook his head.

They both jumped when the door to their room swung open. An unnaturally cheerful doctor bounced in with a smile on his face. "Good afternoon, Ms. Benson!"

She was feeling better, but she instantly wanted to pumble Dr. Cheerypants to the ground.

She gave the most fake smile in reply to the doctor and Elliot bit back a laugh.

"How are you feeling?" He sat down his clipboard and reached his beefy arms out and his cold fingers pressed around her abdomen.

She took in a deep breath at the sudden contact and clamminess of the man's hands and let it out slowly. "I feel fine...now."

He retracted his hands away from her and into his pockets, rocking on the balls of his feet.

"Have you been under any stress lately?" He picked up the clipboard, Olivia's chart she presumed, and began to scan through it.

Olivia shot a quick glance at Elliot, who could only look away. Knowing he was probably the cause for all of this was breaking his already shattering heart.

"Yeah, a little I guess."

Elliot looked at Olivia then looked up at the doctor from the chair on the side of her bed. "Is that what was causing her pain? Stress?"

"Due to the stress level she's had recently, she brought on Braxton Hicks contractions," His eyes shifted back and forth between the two. "It's common with every type of pregnancy, but due to Olivia's age, they're brought on much easier. They're also common around your third trimester."

They both sat in silence, lost in their own thoughts until the doctor spoke again.

"Olivia," he rested his hand on her shoulder offering her a small smile. "I'm putting you on a stress reducing medication, alright? It's safe for the little one, no worries. It'll keep you mostly calm. Too much stress can trigger this again, along with a lot of other things." He pulled out a little pad from his large white coat pocket, scribbled something down and handed it to Olivia. "Alright, any questions, comments or concerns?" He clicked the end of his pen and dropped it back into his pocket.

Olivia's eyes scanned over the prescription note. "No, I think I'm good."

The doctor looked over at Elliot who only shook his head no, offering him a smile.

"A nurse will be in, in a few minutes with your discharge papers, okay?"

Olivia gave a lazy smile and nodded her head. With a nod back, the doctor turned and left the room, closing the door behind him.

Olivia's head fell back on her pillow heaving a breath of air. Elliot scooted his chair closer to her bed and rested a hand on her ever growing stomach.

"I'm sorry, Liv," he intertwined their fingers and was surprised when she didn't pull away. With the day she's had so far, he figured she needed the comfort.

"We really need to figure this out. And soon."

"I know." he let go of her hand and hung his head, resting his elbows on the tops of his knees. "I'm going to tell Kathy."

Olivia didn't know if she wanted to jump with joy or not. She fidgeted with the top of the hospital blanket that was neatly tucked around her. "So, what does that mean?"

"It means," he shook his head, "I don't know what it means."

"El-"

"If Kathy leaves me, then...she leaves me. There really isn't much I can do. My kids are grown, Liv. They don't live at home anymore. And Eli...Kathy wouldn't stop me from seeing him." He blew out a stream of air before making eye contact with her. "I love her, Olivia. But we haven't been "ourselves" in such a long time. And I feel like things have gone even more down hill since I retired. If she decides to leave me, then nothing would really change. I just...wouldn't live with her anymore."

"Where was all of this earlier?" There was a pinch of anger in her voice, and he placed his hand on top of her still nervously moving one.

"When you collapsed, I didn't know if something was going to happen to you or the baby. It scared me. And it made me realise that I do actually love you. And _her_," he shot her a grin, rubbing small circle on her belly, "and if I can't be with Kathy, I wouldn't want to be anywhere else but with you and our child."

For a split second she wanted to do a happy dance...and then she realised what he just said. He basically just told her she and their child was second to Kathy. What if he tells Kathy and she doesn't leave him and he stays with her while leaving Olivia to take care of a child all by herself? She had no doubt in her mind she could raise a child on her own, but she loved Elliot and as selfish as it was, she wanted him all to herself.

"Wow. Elliot, you should probably go."

"What, why?"

"Just go, Elliot." Her voice was deep and stern. He stared at her confused and slowly stood up.

"I thought you'd be happy...I..."

"Think about what you just said to me. Figure it out and you'll understand why I'm not _happy _about this."

He shifted his eyes between the both of hers trying to put everything together. A nurse walked in blurting out a line of questions to Olivia and not knowing what else to do, he headed out of her room and down the hall thinking of what he had said to her.

_And then it hit him. _


	6. Chapter 6

I wouldn't say this chapter needs an "M" rating, because it's not graphic, I guess it can be considered T+ to some people. Just a heads up, just in case.

Also, this is just a filler chapter.

* * *

It'd had been a few days since Olivia was discharged from the hospital. Elliot stood outside of her apartment door for what seemed like an eternity. Every time he mustered up the courage to knock, he'd second guess himself and drop his arms hopelessly to his sides. After a few deep breaths, and a quick run through of what he wanted to say, he forced himself to knock on the door.

A few moments later, Olivia flung the door open. Already knowing who it was, her face remained neutral although she wanted to grimace at his presence. Figuring she should hear him out before she raged out on him, she held the door open and stepped to the side to let him in.

He locked eyes with her, never breaking contact, as he bent his knees and lowered his arm to pick up a suitcase that Olivia had failed to notice before.

"Kathy knows." he breathed, it was all he could manage. Everything he rehearsed in his head was now gone. He sat the suitcase down where they stood in the entry way and closed the door. She hesitantly brought her eyes up to meet his. "What'd she say?"

He let out a short breathy laugh. "Well, she wasn't too happy about it, hence the suitcase."

He gave her a half crooked smile. She blinked.

"Elliot, what does this mean?" She was quick to inhale a breathe. She needed to hear him say it, to validate it, to make it real in her mind. She needed the words to ease her soul.

"It means..." he stopped to take a deep breath. He raised his hands to cup her face, and she instantly melted at his touch. Her eyes fluttered closed and a small smile started to creep across her face. She was caught up in the moment, she wanted to feel him, wanted to hear him tell her he was all hers. The thoughts of Kathy and his kids were kept at bay, only wanting to bask in this glorious moment. She could deal with those demons later. Right now was about her and Elliot.

"Say it." Olivia said, chewing the inside of her lip anxiously. She hated how this was consuming her heart and soul, she hated that she was so emotionally attached to him that she needed him, actually, really needed him. She would fight with herself about that later, she had to keep reminding herself about this moment and what it meant for their future child.

Elliot's thumb swept over her bottom lip lightly before bending down and firmly placing a light but heated kiss on her lips. Their foreheads rested against each other before he shifted his head to the side, rubbing cheeks, to whisper in her ear: "I'm yours."

She felt the words surge through her system, echo through her head and pump through her heart. He lightly ran his hands down her face, over her shoulders, down her arms and stopped to cradle her swollen stomach.

She wanted to ask what exactly had happened between him and Kathy, but she decided not to. If he wanted to talk about it, he'd bring it up. Instead, she rested her hands over his momentarily before wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him vehemently, causing him to back into the wall behind him. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her as close to him as possible, deepening the kiss. She trailed her hands down his chest and grasped the sides of his shirt, clenching them in her hands as she felt his hands make way under her's. She couldn't hold in the desperation anymore, and a soft moan escaped her lips, which only egged him to continue. He rested his hands on her bottom, lightly lifting her up, silently signaling for her to jump and wrap her legs around him. He locked his hands underneath her, careful not to drop her, and she locked her legs around his waist as he carried them to the bedroom.

Carefully he laid her down and was quick to crawl on top of her, hovering above her with his hands planted firmly next to her head. She brought her hands up to cup the tops of his wrists and craned her head up to kiss him. With one hand still on the mattress by her head, he used the other one to trail light feathery fingers up her stomach, dragging her long, flow-y shirt with it. Once her skin was exposed he smoothed his palm over her stomach and smiled down at her.

"I love you."

She took a deep breath and looked into his eyes, they seemed to sparkle and smile just for her and that alone made her giddy. She smiled back at him before replying, "I love you, too."

He leaned down to kiss her lovingly on the neck, right below her ear. She pulled her legs up, bending them at the knee so he could settle between her. After he was in place, she lightly squeezed her thighs together, locking him in.

"I'm sorry." he rasped softly in her ear. She lightly stroked his face, her eyes darting back and forth between his. "I know."

"For everything." he said. He moved his hand that was idle on her stomach, and cupped her left breast. "Good."

She shot him a playful grin, and he laughed.


	7. Chapter 7

The morning sunrise leaked through the blinds and curtains, cascading the room in a dingy orange glow. The sudden change from dark to light woke Olivia up, her eyes slowly opened then slammed shut. She tossed the thick comforter over her head to drown out the light, and let out a loud sigh. She turned her head to the right to see Elliot fully submerged under the covers hiding from the light as well. She smiled at his sleeping form.

As she studied his face, timed his breathing, memorized the lines in his face, she couldn't help but to wonder what exactly had happened between him and Kathy. The words he said to her at the hospital still had her brain in a vice, and she wondered if Kathy let him go, or if he went willingly. Part of her wanted to let it go, because now Elliot was with her and that's all that mattered, but the other part fought roughly against that. She didn't want to be anyone's second choice.

The urge to shake him awake and drill him was unbearable, but she held back. Instead she released another sigh, rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and sat up to face the day before her.

As soon as she was in an up-right position, she felt the little life inside of her kick against her stomach. Never getting tired of that feeling, she laughed to her self and pressed her palm to her stomach. "I know, baby, mommy's getting up to feed you," she cooed.

She threw the blankets off of her and swung her legs off the bed to stand and stretch her aching limbs. She collected her clothes off the floor that were previously ripped off her the night before. She leaned against the mattress as she pulled her sweats on and quickly latched onto the bed post as she felt a wave of dizziness hit her. Trying to shake it off, she leaned forward to grab her shirt and almost lost complete balance. She braced herself against the dresser in front of her, squeezing her eyes shut, waiting for the spell to disappear.

"Olivia?" Elliot asked alarmingly. He was half way to her when she started to wobble. "Liv, what's goin' on?" He asked softly, he stood behind her and circled his arms around her waist to rest his hands on her stomach. She leaned into him, taking deep breaths.

"I'm fine, El. I just need to eat something. Little one's having a field day in there today." she attempted to joke.

"When's the last time you ate something?" He rested his chin on her shoulder, and she slightly turned her head to rest against his.

"Yesterday before you came over..." she admitted sheepishly knowing that she was going to be scolded.

"Liv, you've gotta stop doin' that-," he started, but was cut off.

"-I know,"

Deciding not to start a fight, Elliot backed off with the lecture he desperately wanted to give to her. Instead he squeezed her lightly into a hug and kissed her bare shoulder.

"Let's get you dressed and fed." He moved to the side allowing her to back up against the mattress again. He picked her shirt off the floor and slid it over her head. Before she could even pull it down over her stomach, his lips were on hers, kissing her lightly.

She smiled mid kiss and he pulled away with a matching grin. "Well, good morning." she quipped.

"Morning." he replied before leaning down to kiss he protruding belly. "Morning little one." he hummed with his lips still attached to her skin. The vibrations caused her to giggle and caused their child to kick. "Someone's happy." he laughed, replacing his lips with his hands.

"Someone is bound to piss mommy off this morning." she half sang, rolling her eyes. "She's been non-stop moving since early this morning." she sighed.

"Well, maybe _he's_ just hungry and that's _his_ way of telling you so." Elliot suggested, putting emphasis on the gender of the child.

"Or maybe _she's_ just angry that you keep calling _her _a _he_." she shot back with a small grin.

"Okay, we could sit here and do this all day. We need to get you and the little one fed."

"Okay." she agreed, pulling her hair up in a sloppy bun on her head. They both went to walk out of the room at the same time, bumping into each other as they tried to squeeze through the door frame. Both laughing, Elliot backed up and motioned for her to go first.

"After you, fatty."

"Excuse me?" Olivia asked wide eyed.

"I said, after you, m'lady!"

"No, you didn't. You called me fatty!"

"No, I didn't. All those pregnancy hormones must be clogging your ears."

"You're so lucky I can't move fast right now, otherwise you'd be in a head lock on the floor."

Elliot laughed loudly. "Even if you weren't pregnant, there is no way you could get me in a headlock on the floor."

"Is that a challenge?" Olivia asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

"God, no." he laughed again, backing up away from her as she slowly strided closer to him.

"Why are you backing away, Stabler?"

"Liv, seriously, stop it and go eat."

"Afraid to get your ass kicked by a fatty?"

He laughed again. "Liv, seriously, stop it."

"Or what?"

"Nothing. You're pregnant, this isn't a fair fight!"

"Yes it is. You just don't want to get owned by a fatty!"

"Go eat!"

"Fine. I'll go eat. I'll eat so much that I will get really fat and then I will sit on you."

"...You'll be too fat to catch me by then."

They both erupted in a fit of laughter, but it was stopped short when Elliot noticed Olivia's face beginning to pale. He was by her side within seconds as she dropped onto the couch with her face buried in her hands.

He bent down on his knees and ran his hands up and down her arms, "Lean back."

She reluctantly did so, her face still hidden by her hands. He lifted her feet up on the coffee table. "You okay?" he asked. She removed her hands and nodded. "I'm fine, really. It comes and goes."

He stood up and padded into the kitchen. "What do you want to eat?"

"Um," she paused to think a moment. "Do we have oatmeal?"

Elliot opened a cabinet and pulled out a box of assorted flavored oatmeal and waved it at her. "What kind do you want?"

She pursed her lips together, smiling as she stared at him.

"You want them all mixed together, don't you?" He laughed.

She nodded her head. "Fatty..." he laughed under his breath loud enough for her to hear.

"Oh, bite me." She stuck her tongue out at him.

A few moments later, he returned with a warm bowl of mixed oatmeal and sat it down in front of her. He sat on the opposite side of the coffee table on the floor and laughed at the sight of a pregnant Olivia sliding off the couch to join him.

"Hey, El?"

"Yeah?"

She cleared her throat, "Uh, could you maybe, like, back the table up a little?"

He bit back a laugh when he looked up to see her lodged between the couch and table. He pulled the table towards him a bit as he scooted back.

"Better?"

"Mhm." she mumbled through a mouthful of mush.

A few moments of silence passed by as they each ate their breakfast. Olivia pushed her bowl away from her and dropped her head back onto the couch cushions.

"I think I ate too much. Little one must be drowning in oatmeal because she isn't moving much." She rubbed her belly.

"He's probably just fat and happy, like his mama."

Olivia grinned and rolled her eyes at him. He stood up to take his bowl to the sink.

"El, will you take my bowl, too? I don't see myself getting up off this floor any time soon."

Turning on the balls of his feet, he walked back to her and took her bowl. "Yes, ma'am."

With a hefty huff, Olivia tried her best to get to her feet but was having the hardest time. After a few failed attempts, she finally gave up and collapsed against the couch.

"Elliot!" she whined throwing a mini tempter tantrum.

He turned around to see her pouting on the floor. "What's wrong?"

"Fatty can't get up." she jutted her lower lip out at him.

"Good, now you can't sit on me!" he shot her a toothy grin and she threw a pillow at his head.

"No, really, help me up, my ass is going numb from this uncomfortable floor."

He shuffled over to her and reached out his hands, she grabbed ahold of them and he pulled her up slowly careful to not bring on a dizzy spell. Once on her feet, she smiled and leaned in to kiss him.

"What was that for?" He asked, tilting his head slightly to the side. He pushed a strand of hair out of her face.

"Because I can."

She flopped down on the couch, moving pillows around in order to find the remote for the TV. Once she found it, she leaned back and turned it on.

"Sit against the arm of the couch." Elliot instructed.

"Why?"

"Just do it!"

She adjusted herself so that her back was resting against the arm and pulled her legs underneath her giving him an odd look.

He sat on the opposite side mirroring her position.

"Give me your feet."

She happily obliged, sinking down onto the cushions and resting her feet on his stomach. He took her left foot in his hands and used his thumbs to apply pressure to the heel of her swollen feet.

"Aw yeah." she half moaned closing her eyes and basking in the glory of her free foot massage.

After a long peacefully quite foot rub down, they both sat in their same positions watching tv.

Elliot noticed Olivia's hand lightly press around the top of her stomach. "He awake?"

"Yes, _she_ is. She's kicking my ribs." She took a deep breath, maneuvering her upper body trying to dislodge her childs foot from her ribcage. "Oh, come on, baby, stop it." she half whined.

Elliot stared at her with an amused look on his face.

"Don't look at me like that." she warned.

He cocked an eyebrow.

She lifted her feet that were resting on his stomach and dropped them repeatedly.

"OW! Liv, what the hell!"

"Yeah, how do you like it?" She laughed as he winced and rubbed his stomach. He knocked her feet off him in mock anger.

"That's not even fair, you kick harder than he does."

"I highly doubt that, she kicks like you."

"Oh, _he_ does, does he?"

"Yeah, _she_ does. Considering you kick like a girl and all."

"Oh, ha ha," he mock laughed. "You are so hi-larious,"

She smiled widely at him.

"Yeah, don't quit your day job."

"Don't be mean to the fat lady." she frowned.

He sat up and leaned over, laying his head on her stomach. "I'll be nice to you for the rest of the day," he promised. He shifted his head to look up at her, "but come tomorrow..."

She flicked him on the forehead. "That was for calling me fat. Now we're even." She smiled down at him, running her fingers up and down his cheek.

A comfortable silence fell over them as they settled down and focused on the tv show that was on.

Olivia's mind wandered back to Kathy as a commercial came on. She felt Elliot move and looked down at him, wanting desperately to ask him for the entire story.

"Hey, El?"

"Hm?"

Her eyes rolled up to the ceiling and took a deep breath. "Did you leave Kathy or did she leave you?"

She bit her top lip anxiously as she looked down at him, awaiting an answer.

Elliot cleared his throat as he sat up. He ran his hand down his face, before looking at her.

"Liv," he sighed. "I don't want to get into this right now, okay? You don't need to stress yourself out over something that doesn't really matter. I'm here with you now, alright?"

"_Elliot_," she pleaded. "I need to know."

He sat up fully. "Why?"

"You told her and she left you, didn't she?"

"Liv-" he pushed the heels of his hands into his eyes.

"Elliot, just tell me. I have the right to know."

"Listen to me, Olivia, okay? I love you. Somewhere along the way, I fell in love with you, and I will never deny that. You and this baby mean the world to me."

Olivia sat still listening to him, a surge of nausea rumbled through her stomach.

"I told Kathy about us. I told her that I love you and you were carrying my child. I'll always love her, but I fell out of love with her when I discovered my feelings for you. I _want_ to be with you. I knew my marriage was falling apart, and maybe I shouldn't have tried to fix it this time, but I felt guilty and confused. I realised it wasn't going to work."

His features softened and he looked like he was holding back tears.

"After I told her everything, she kicked me out. But that does NOT mean that you are second choice to me, Olivia. It's just how things happened. I'm sorry for getting you into this, for causing you so much stress, I really am, and if I could take it all back, I would, I promise you."

He scooted closer to her, taking her hands into his own. "I love you and this baby, and I'm willing to stick it out with you if you'll let me." he ran his thumb gently over the top of her hand, studying her face, trying to read her emotions.

"If you had told her and she was willing to stay with you, would you have stayed?"

She regretted asking that the second it left her mouth. Part of her really didn't want to know.

"Like I said, our marriage was falling apart. I think if she had wanted me to stay, I would have told her I couldn't do it anymore. It's not fair to Eli."

"If I hadn't gotten pregnant, would you still have left her?"

Why was she torturing herself like this?

"Maybe not right away. But I think I would have eventually. And even if we hadn't gotten involved, Liv, we still would have split. Whether it was sooner or later. It was bound to happen, so don't blame yourself for this anymore, okay? Because I know that's the main reason you're questioning everything."

"Okay."

He let out a sigh of relief. "We're good?"

"Yeah."

He leaned in closer to her and pulled her into a hug. "It'll be alright, honey. We can get through this." he kissed her temple and she snuggled further into him.

For the first time in months, she finally felt like she could trust him on that.

* * *

Just wanted to give a quick thank you to everyone who's reviewed/favourited this story so far. It really means a lot to me. :)


End file.
